Scorpions – Acoustica

(No Stars only debit points)

This is a very sad collection of songs put together, but what was a second rate band in their heyday is a total disaster today. Haven’t they heard that the unplugged rage was over ten years ago? Acoustica just reeks of desperation.

So, what do you actually get for your buck here? Well, firstly there’s Klaus Meine on vocals whose voice has seen better days. To hide this fact every rotten song is smothered in lush backing female vocals which might sound O.K on a Barry Mannilow album. But remember, the Scorpions were supposed to be a rock band not a lounge act. On lead guitar you have Matthias Jabs who, at best, was brought into the Scorpions’ lineup to duplicate the solos from previous guitarists in the band, and could easily be blown off the stage by our own Lam Morrisson.

Then also on guitar is the less talented brother of previous lead guitarist Michael Schenker, Rudolf, who looks and plays more like a bank manager than a bank robber these days, and a non-descript journey man bassist, Ralph Riechermann. The previous drummer, the marvelously monickered Herman Rareball, had to be replaced as he became to old and fat to actually hit the skins, so young James Katak got the job. Hopefully for him, he will soon move on to greener pastures.

There is also a motley collection of other musicians that have been pulled in to try and keep some life in the shell, but actually just help to crush it all further down.

The songs are all done, as the title suggests, acoustically, and what you get is just a rerun of some of the kitschier moments of the band’s back catalogue with obvious emphasis on the ballads, which the band seem to be concentrating on these days. The playing is so lackluster that the music no more than dribbles out of the speakers.

New song and new single “When Love Kills Love” is one of the worst offenders. You would definitely take the stairs to avoid this in elevators. The title alone, “I wanted to cry (but the tears wouldn’t come)”, should tell you enough to warn you to stay well clear.

The Scorpions have certainly lost their sting. If this is the best they can produce, they should be laid to rest. Not one of rock ‘n’ roll’s finer moments, in fact, not rock ‘n’ roll at all.

Musicians

Klaus Meine – Croacker

Rudolf Schenker and Matthias Jabs – Sleepy Guitars

Ralph Rieckermann – Bass

James Kottak – Tub Thumper

Written by Mott the Dog

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